I don’t do a lot of writing. Fair to say, I don’t like working my brains overtime to find the right words because every time I get lost and have a brain freeze. But I occasionally do find an inspiration to pen my thoughts, especially when it gets hard to express them verbally. I feel the same today. I feel a deluge of emotions wanting to break through the barriers of my stable conscience. Yes, this is my first blog. And no, I am not nervous because I am writing a blog for the first time, but rather I am edgy because of the reason why I am writing it.
I am celebrating my two year anniversary with my girlfriend today. It’s a special day of course and one we never imagined we will be sharing together two years back when we started dating. Life has been a rollercoaster over the two years for both of us. I have written her many letters expressing how much she means to me and how without her my life is as dull as a painting without colors. But I fall short somehow in giving words to my emotions every time. True even Shakespeare would find it hard to elucidate her importance to me in words; Let alone a pathetic writer like me making a futile attempt. So why is it that I always fall short? I have yet not found the answer to the question completely. I probably never will, but I will continue making miserable attempts. Just like today.
Life would have been so different if she never came into my life. I cannot quantify how much, but I know for sure it would have been much worse than today. I would still be some woeful loner looking out for someone to make me feel special. I would most probably, wait, certainly not known what true love is. I would have turned 23 years old and still have no aims or motivation in life. I would have taken up whatever job came my way out of desperation whether or not it made me happy. And worse of all I would still be making stupid grammatical errors in every sentence of English I would write (I still make them a lot, sometimes purposely to see if she corrects me). Life would have been different.
But because of her today, I feel like the most special person alive on this planet. Sometimes I feel I couldn’t be any luckier to have found my special someone so early on in life. I know with certainty that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I now know what true love really is. Every day I spend with her I feel loved. We have fights and disagreements, but never for a moment have I felt she doesn’t love me. I have my aims and goals all clearly set out for me, and I am surely not settling for any job I come across. She made me realize my potential and if in future I become successful I will owe it to her. She lifted me up from being another mediocre guy to someone who can dream of achieving big things in life. And the best part of all is, I have the confidence and inspiration now to write a blog with minimum grammatical errors (I am sure she will read this and point out a few).
No thank you or gestures can suffice for the things she has done for me. You can always keep a count and repay materialistic things. But what do you do when things are way more than materialistic? I guess you just feel special and value people like her if you find them. And try repaying their efforts with some of your own. I have found my ‘lobster’; I promise I will give her all the happiness I can.
For her heart doesn’t beat alone, with it beats mine.
Memoirs of Unavowed Love 